she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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