Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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