just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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