genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize