I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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