This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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