I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize