I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize