dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize