Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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