I wanna bring you to show and tell
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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