Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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