it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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