I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize