The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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