Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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