i would punch a child for taco bell
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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