last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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