i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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