there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize