Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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