would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize