I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize