this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Im part way to drunk.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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