Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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