No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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