please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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