at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize