I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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