She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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