No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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