if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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