did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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