I wish my penis had an off switch
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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