I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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