evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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