While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
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ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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