Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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