So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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