it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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