How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize