I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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