went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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