I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize