I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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