doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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