I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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