I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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