Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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