Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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